A Growing Problem?
The abbreviated answer is, yes. First, let me say that I have been around youth sports for a very long time. I have coached for the last fifteen years at all levels in many different sports. AYSO, CYSA, U6-U19, Little League, Pony Baseball, basketball, volleyball, you name it, I’ve probably coached it. I enjoy it. I also spent two years as the President of San Carlos CYSA. Being in those positions for an extended period of time allows you to see the many great things about youth sports, but unfortunately, you also see the ugly side as well.
Some Examples
Let me also start off by saying that I am certainly guilty of perhaps being more frustrated than I should be when coaching a game. There is never an excuse for it. The question that I am posing is whether parental behavior at youth sporting events has gotten worse over the past few years. My feeling is that it has. In the past few years I have witnessed, assaults on referees, an umpire being pushed into the bushes after a game, parents scolding other parents, parents throwing water bottles onto the field when disagreeing with a call, parents screaming not only at their own kids, but others as well.
Most recently, San Carlos AYSO had to send out an email to remind parents in the Girls Under 8 Division of the following issues they have had with regard to parents over the first two weeks of play….please remember that these are 6 and 7 year old little girls:
(1) Parents are not to offer to pay players money for goals scored. Apparently, last weekend there was an offer by one parent to pay their player $20 for a goal when the team was already soundly beating the other team.
(2) Excessive celebrations by the parents of the winning team for scoring goals when the team is already winning by four or five goals.
(3) The need to eliminate demoralizing losses when the dominant team keeps scoring after there is a five goal differential.
Most Get It
The vast majority of parents attending San Carlos sporting events get it. They are well behaved and do everything possible to promote good sportsmanship. The question is whether that minority which has behaved so poorly, is growing. Taking a view of the totality of the events and frequency of what I have seen over the past 15 years, I would say that it has. The increasing pressure that is applied to kids today, spills over onto the court, field and diamonds in San Carlos. Some parents fall right in line and become excessively overjoyed with good play, and increasingly disgusted with poor play. It’s an easy trap to fall into for some.
If you have had an experience that you would like to share on this subject, or an opinion on the matter, we would love to hear from you. Feel free to post your comment below.
3 Comments
I have 3 kids who partipate in San Carlos sports and I haven’t seen any of the problems you note. While I am sure there are isolated events, I find it disappointing that this is considered an issue worthy of a mass email. My daughter play U8 and I would think a bigger problem is lack of parents at games or the ones who show up are on their iPhones all game.
As you mentioned, these are 6 and 7 year olds, honestly they have no idea what the score is and at times don’t know which goal they are supposed to shoot at.
Bob, in your last sentence, you compare good play versus bad play. That is very different than a blowout. I am disappointed if my daughter plays bad but not disappointed if she loses. Playing bad to me is not hustling, not paying attention and not trying her hardest. If that happens, we talk about it…a lot. We have never talk about if her team win or lost.
From a parent perspective, I am going to cheer for my daughter if she scores a goal regardless if it is the 1st goal of the game or the 10th. Second, the email from the “league” said $20 is too much as he gives his kid $1 a week, Who cares what he gives his kid and what place does the “league” have to give parenting advice on allowance?
I am sure some parent helicoptered in because they felt bad about their kid losing. I don’t need some blowhard (who included his contact info for his wealth management business) sending me a mass email. If this is a widespread issue, why did it not get sent out to the entire league instead of just U8 girls? Clearly he knows which team or parent was at fault. How about instead of hiding behind a mass email, set a good example for your daughter and deal with the issue head-on I felt the email was inappropriate and the league should be ashamed at how it was handled.
I agree with Ken’s observations (or lack thereof) that any bad behavior going on must be relatively isolated; in 3 years of AYSO and 2 years of softball I haven’t seen or heard anything I would consider to be over-the-top bad sportsmanship among kids or parents. I think the team coaches bear some responsibility to directly confront a parent – especially a parent of a player on that particular coach’s team – if and when they observe this behavior; hiding behind a mass email will do zero to change the behaviors of those to whom it is targeted. I don’t know that that is a realistic expectation when many teams are seemingly formed on the basis of pre-existing friendships among kids and parents. I agree too that the league is over the line in defining an “acceptable” form of bribery – it’s none of my business and doesn’t minimize the experience for me or my child…although on second thought I may feel more strongly if my kid gets wind of it and demands extortion for play 🙂
Wow, I did not expect posts defending this kind of behavior. Maybe the post hits too close to home?